Well, first of all I have an iPod not a MP3 player so I don't know if it counts. Second, I can't really find out which song is my MOST played, but I can find out which songs I've played the most.

One of them is Merciless Cult by Dir en Grey! As for the reason, I just like the song.

I just answered this Featured Question; you can answer it too!

  Wow, it's been months since my last post. I'm glad to say that I've finally finished school and my exams (thank the gods for that)! I have to catch up with everyone's blogs now! Hehehehe.

Had my prom last Friday and that went well. At the moment I'm looking for a job for the summer holiday 'cause next year I'm in 6th Form and I don't have to wear an uniform which means I need clothes.... LOTS of clothes!

I missed you guys and I hope I can talk to you soon!

P.S.: By the way this is how I look these days. Now I have black hair with caramel streaks in!

In the past few weeks I've come to realize a few things.

1) I'm not who I am.

My favorite quote is "I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I'm not", so it is rather ironic that I cannot show my true and complete self to anyone. Don't get me wrong, I dress the way I want to, even thought I get lots of weird looks, I listen to the music I want to and I'm not bothered if other people don't like it, I behave like a maniac and everyone thinks I'm out of my mind which is awesome because I am, I have my hobbies and the things I love, however not everything is what it seems.

I have lots of friends (all of them absolutely crazy, so I fit in perfectly, although 'fitting in' is not exactly it), most people like me because I'm that weird, but in a very positive way, and I could care less what the twats in my school think of me. And here comes the problem, I have no issue with sticking up my finger to idiots and telling them to 'fuck off' because I'm the absolute best, but I have an issue with showing all my sides to my friends. Occasionally, normal things like my obsession with extremely gory and disturbing pictures, videos, movies and books shows up, but my friends are, errr...'ok' with it. However, I'm not all smiles, and kindness, and compassion. I suppose some degree of self abandon is required in every human-human relationship for the sake of being accepted by a selective group of people that are compatible with your character, even thought not completely.

For the past few months we’ve been helping a Year 8 girl (which I will call Flower in my blog) that has been bullied for a while now. One of my friends that has also suffered from the unsuppressed cruelty of fellow classmates in her younger years, recognized that Flower might be slipping into depression, which she herself had experienced not too long ago, and knows the feelings of self-hate and isolation that make you think thoughts that can be in some cases deadly. The point is, I’m always concerned, gentle and ready to help in everyone else’s eyes, and I’m the mother figure and role model of some of them (that’s why so many younger kids hang around me), thing is I couldn’t care less about anyone. You see, the only reason I’m always helping and trying to be supportive, is that once everything is sorted out I don’t have to deal with annoying stuff like comforting someone crying, or going after bullies to give them ‘a piece of my mind’ (have you noticed how disturbing that phrase is?!).

This is lying. I’m lying. To myself. To everyone. I can’t help it. Pretense is something I do without thinking; for the sake of other people I have created someone that is me, yet not completely. I’m happy, yet I’m not. I’m sad, yet my tears are not from sadness. I love, yet I don’t believe in love. I contradict myself. I smile because I think I should, not because I feel it. I’ve become a person that I don’t know.

2) I have 3 ultimate rules of survival. I’m more and more certain that they have no exceptions.

3) This world is going to Hell and there’s nothing anyone can do.

I have the nagging feeling that perhaps the human race is on the brink of its destruction. War, death, misery, fear, money, violence, ignorance, hate, prejudice, they will never disappear. Our world has fallen. Humans have lost, no, rather sold, everything that is of any value that is beyond the material.

One of my friends send me this! Try it. You just have to copy and paste the questions and put an 'x' in every box that applies to you, then add the marks and you get your age! Have FUN!

[x] You know how to make a pot of coffee
[] You keep track of dates using a calender
[] You own a credit/debit* card
[] You know how to change the oil in a car
[x] You've done your own laundry
[] You can vote in an election
[] You can cook for yourself
[x] You think politics are exciting
TOTAL SO FAR: 3

[]You show up for school late a lot
[]You always carry a pen in your bag/ purse / pocket
[x] You've never gotten a detention
[] You have forgotten your own birthday at least once
[x] You like to take walks by yourself
[] You know what credit bill means without looking it up
[] You drink caffeine at least once a week

TOTAL SO FAR: 5

[x]You know how to do the dishes
[x] You can count to 10 in another language
[x] When you say you're going to do something you do it
[] You can mow the lawn
[x] You study when you HAVE to
[] You have hand washed a car before
TOTAL SO FAR: 9

[x] You can spell experience without looking it up
[] At least 1 person at Starbucks knows you by name
[] Your favorite kind of food is take out
[] The first thing you do when you wake up is smoke a cigarette Bad, bad,BAD!
[x] You can't go to the store without getting something you don' t need
[x] You understand political jokes the first time they are said
[x] You can type pretty quick
TOTAL SO FAR: 13

[] Your only friends are from your place of employment
[] You have been to a Tupperware party 
[] You have realized that no one will take you seriously unless you are over the age of 25 and have a job
[] You have more bills than you can pay
[x] You have been to the beach
[x] You use the internet every day
[x] You have been outside of the United Kingdom 3 or more times
[x] You make your own bed

TOTAL = 17 (What a coinsedence! I'm gonna be 16 soon, so I act my age... more or less)